“I’m so sorry, Andy, but we’ve decided that we’re eliminating your position. Your last day with us will be at the end of the month.”
In the fall of 2018, I was told that I was being let go. I’d never been laid off before, I had young kids and never really imagined how things would go. In the moment, contrary to what I would have expected, I felt relieved. I’d been disengaged and anxious at work for the past few months, and getting laid off meant putting an end to this debilitating feeling. However, soon after, the relief started to fade and was replaced by a mounting sense of inadequacy and concern for the well-being of my family.
I was stuck in a negative self-talk loop: “Did I disappoint my family and friends?” “Am I a failure?” “Am I too inexperienced to find another job like this one?” Then I did something to change my life: I signed up to work with a career coach. Though I thought a career coach would just give me advice on how to navigate the job search process, they did so much more. They helped me to realize that what I did wasn’t as important as who I was when I was doing it.
In the face of a layoff, it’s common to feel threatened about our sense of self or identity. Most of us define ourselves by our professional identities. In fact, research shows that nearly 55% of us get our sense of identity from our jobs. So, it’s not surprising that losing what defines us is a tumultuous emotional experience. Research also shows that how we bounce back from a job loss is closely related to how we process it.
This “processing” is not about planning out the next steps of our careers. Rather, it’s about sitting with ourselves, paying attention to our needs, abilities, interests and motivations, re-evaluating our past experiences, and then figuring out our next steps. This takes time, effort, and most of all, a lot of patience.
But why do we wait to be without a job to pay more attention to our feelings, evaluate what we’ve learned in our careers and have a plan for the next steps in our career? It’s estimated that nearly half of us will experience being laid off at least once in our career.
In my case, it took about two months of work with my career coach to come to terms with how I really felt and determine my next steps. I was best known for—and always drawn to—helping others lead their teams more effectively, manage their businesses better, and get more from their careers. My career coach helped me to finally find the validation and clarity I needed to take the next steps in my career.
Based on my experience, here are my recommendations to take charge of your career, and be prepared for when job loss happens to you.
1: The traditional career ladder isn’t your identity!
Losing my job helped me to realize that my career was happening to me, and not because of me. My career was a noun; a thing I did each day and let happen to me, climbing a ladder up a wall prescribed by someone else. What I realized is that career is a verb, an ongoing pursuit of my own choosing and working at the things that I want to accomplish.
By all means, this was an overwhelming realization. However, having this clarity helped me to realign with what truly matters to me. Remembering that research shows that nearly 55% of us get our sense of identity from our jobs, it’s important to harness an identity that is more than a title or a job.
Just like an organization can improve its ability to innovate and achieve its strategic outcomes by diversifying its leadership team, it’s important to have a diversified personal identity. Work is one part of it. But what about you? What do you bring to your work?
I like to say: “who you are from 5-9 is just as important to a fulfilling career as what you do in your 9-5!”
One of the powerful exercises my career coach had me do was make a list of all my successes, achievements and satisfiers in life. This exercise reminded me of the times I volunteered my time and facilitated seminars that helped others solve challenges at work and developed their leadership skills.
Spending time reflecting on my abilities, interests and motivations gave me the courage I needed to move forward. I knew I had confidence, I just had to remind myself that I did. Reliving all those moments brought into focus that I was already a successful person in many areas of my life. Work was one of several things that gave me joy, but I just needed to lean into the aspects of work that I was suppressing because I didn’t think it fit with the prescribed way of “climbing the ladder.”
2: Build a strong support system to further define your identity.
My friends, family, coaches, and mentors were my biggest supporters and held me in grace during that difficult time. As my initial reactions subsided, I allowed myself to become vulnerable to self-reflection and candid feedback from others.
I sought counsel from friends and mentors who’d known me for years to understand how they perceived my professional behaviors and attitudes. And working with my career coach helped me to rebuild my confidence, identify my strengths, motivations and blind spots, and figure out ways to plan my next move.
Having a strong network of people that you can depend on is critical to your career. This support system can help you in so many ways — some may be a thought partner while others will give you sage advice to realize your potential. No matter what support you seek, know that they are always there for you, and it shouldn’t take an experience like getting laid off to nourish those relationships.
Right now, think about: Who is your trusted circle of advisors? These could include your friends, ex-colleagues, peers, or mentors. Who, among them, can give you honest and insightful feedback? Getting an outsider’s perspective on your situation can help you distance yourself emotionally, and assess what new opportunities can bring. How can an impartial, thought-partner like a career coach, help you to get clarity?
As you reach out to others, here are a few things to consider:
- What are my strengths and abilities? What am I best known for?
- What are some behaviors or attitudes that you think I could/should be leveraging to move my career forward?
- In the time that you’ve known me, what would you say I’ve improved on the most? What are some areas or skills that I need to work on?
- How easy or difficult am I to work with as a professional? What can I get better at?
As you have these conversations, you might notice a few themes emerging about yourself: who you are seen as, what your strengths are, what inspires you, and where you need to grow.
3: Don’t let your story write itself!
My advice is to write yourself into your own story, do what makes you come alive in your career, and not be held to the normal conventions of career growth and development. Realizing what makes you invaluable is key to building a healthy and sustainable career.
Here are some questions that can help you appreciate your full self:
- What are some of the most challenging moments I’ve overcome in my life or my career? How did I feel about myself as I think back on these moments?
- What are compliments I’ve received from those around me? What abilities and strengths of mine are reflected in these compliments?
- What are a few interests or talents that make me stand out?
- If there was nothing holding me back and I could pursue anything, what would I choose, and why?
Finally, know that you don’t have to lose your job to introspect and remind yourself about the value you bring. Any time you’re faced with crossroads in your career, take the time to introspect, connect with your support system, and engage in positive self-talk can help you lift yourself up.